Adult Child Abuse Survivors: Sometimes it’s Hard to Keep it Real

CHILD ABUSE

As an adult child abuse survivor, I have to admit; sometimes it’s hard to keep it real even after taking that huge step of making your abuse public knowledge.  It’s no secret that I started this blog to promote and build a dialogue around my book Skipping Childhood:  A Novel (From Abused Foster Child to Adolescent Serial Killer).  I’ve stated that from the very beginning.  This work of fiction can be found in Amazon’s Mystery, Thriller & Suspense category.  But something else I also stated from the beginning is that a large percentage of my novel is based on true events.  The child abuse and neglect was real, the characters were based on real people, the settings, etc… 

Now before the cops come knocking and asking about dead bodies, let me restate that everything EXCEPT the murders were based on true events.  The fictional murders were symbolic of an adult survivor victim’s attempt to kill the bad memories, regain a sense of power and find closure.  But the blog has awakened a new need for this survivor.  I want really want to address these related issues from a “reality” or non-fiction standpoint, and tie it in with dialogue about the book.  And that leads me to my point about it being hard to keep it real.  From a personal aspect, I sometimes find it difficult to address certain topics on my 2017 list of words; though that is my primary mission of the blog.   

All Abuse is Bad

When it comes to different forms of child abuse; as the years progress, some adult survivors tend to minimize the level of abuse they suffered.  Whether it is child neglect, emotional abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse, or sexual abuse, there is no justification for it.   The abusers should not be let off the hook, even if only in our minds.  Regardless of how we try to minimize or even justify the events, all child abuse is bad and unwarranted.

This point recently came to my mind as a topic for discussion.  Lately, I’ve been paying particular attention to books related to mine in any way shape or form.  It can be really tricky trying to make sure your book title is categorized correctly.  For instance, in addition to being available in the Amazon category that I mentioned above, Skipping Childhood is also listed in the coming of age section.  I put it there, because most of the other titles I found on the topic of child abuse were listed as “true story” books and available in the non-fiction category. 

As I looked over those books and saw some of the horrible things that people have actually done to children, I found myself minimizing my own horrors.  I also found myself wondering if the events I describe in my novel would even remotely justify murder when compared to some of the true life cases.  That is when I began to wonder how much more of my own truth I should divulge, or if in fact I want to cross that line.  Then I told myself what I just stated in the subheading:  “All abuse is bad”.  I don’t have to compare horror stories to determine the level of abuse I experienced.  I also don’t have to feel bad about the way I choose to shed light on this very real issue.  I sincerely hope that everything I have posted thus far and that I continue to post will be of benefit to someone somewhere.  I also believe that my novel can be just as much a source of inspiration and empowerment as some of the non-fiction self-help books for adult survivors.

Even though I’ve made some of my truth known in Skipping Childhood, I have definitely left a lot open to interpretation.  Throughout this year, some of your questions about my ties to the book may be answered in this blog.  I have no doubt that somehow, I’ll muster the courage to continue trying to keep things real in my writing.  I know it won’t always be easy but I plan to stay true to the mission for this blog.  As an adult child abuse survivor, when confronted with difficult choices, I do what we do best; SURVIVE!  

Pick up a copy of 

“Skipping Childhood:  A Novel”

Survival Strategies: Abuse Victims Can Find Freedom in Writing

EMANCIPATION 

Finding freedom through your writing is a smart and therapeutic way for survivors of abuse to gain emancipation.  The technique works, whether you decide to write for the masses or you write for yourself as a way of chasing away the demons.  I’ve been journaling for a whole lot of years.  My daily journal writing started as a way to dump or unload all my negative mental crap so I wouldn’t go crazy.  But the more I wrote, the more I wanted to write; not just about what was going on in my life, but about all kinds of things that troubled or interested me.

For me, journal writing eventually led to article writing and publishing non-fiction ebooks.  I’ve published books on a lot of useful topics (many of which I’ve made free on Amazon for the next week).  In the course of my writing, I began to notice an interesting fact.  The more I wrote about more personal things or topics close to my heart, the more rewarding it felt.  This gave me a liberating feeling.  For instance, the simple little ebook I wrote called:  How to Live Life in a Positive Bubble was so enjoyable to publish because so much of me went into the book.  I talked about issues and topics that were important to me and probably a lot of other everyday people. 

I realize now that although I wasn’t talking about my negative past or discussing such deep topics as abuse, I was still finding freedom in my writing.  Writing gave me a sense of emancipation.  I begin to understand that the more truthful I was in my writing, the freer I felt.  That is why it was so liberating for me to write and publish my latest novel:  Skipping Childhood:  A Novel (From Abused Foster Child to Adolescent Serial Killer).  So much of my own truth went into this book, and as a result, I was able to release a lot of buried hostility and negative emotions.  The result was true emancipation.

Why Survival Strategies

Survival strategies are needed by anyone who has ever suffered some form of abuse and never admitted to it and never found healing.  The term “survival strategies” is just another way of saying ways to live with yourself.  No matter who the abuser was and how long the abuse lasted, just because you were able to move on doesn’t mean that you’re okay.  In fact, you may never be okay unless you find a healthy coping mechanism.  For thousands of survivors, that coping mechanism is writing.  At some point, adult abuse victims can find the freedom they seek by expressing themselves and their pain in their writing. 

If you’re intimidated by the idea of putting your deepest and darkest secrets down on paper (or a computer screen), why not start off simple.  First get used to writing thoughts and ideas that are not so dark or secret, just private thoughts.  Try hard not to censor yourself.  It’s not easy, but you have to get used to the idea of writing like no one will read what you write; and after all, no one has to.  The more you write, the easier this will get.  One thing you should NOT do and that’s go over what you wrote.  You should not allow yourself to get stuck on going over your words and editing your “freestyle” work.  The whole point of this type of therapeutic writing is to get it out, not to read it; not even to share it, but simply to get it out. 

There’s no better time than the present to start writing to emancipate yourself.  Don’t plan what you will say or think about it, just write.  Give yourself a minimum of days to write consistently, whether you feel like it or not.  Then be sure to stick to your word and WRITE!

Adult “Child Abuse” Survivors: What to Do When You Want to Kill Your Abuser

 CLOSURE

Victims of sexual and physical child abuse rarely grow up to be well-adjusted adults and model citizens of the community; at least not without some kind of CLOSURE.

When you think about it, what else could you expect from a child when life has managed to stunt their growth and interfere with the normal course of development?  That is why it is so important for survivors of abuse to find some kind of productive way to purge themselves of bad memories and actions associated with those memories.  Finding just the right outlet can be difficult for many people.

 

In my novel, Skipping Childhood:  A Novel (From Abused Foster Child to Adolescent Serial Killer) it may seem like my main character, Deandra Baxter is a little extreme in her actions, but that’s because this is fiction.  After all, it is both illegal and immoral for a person to commit pre-meditated, coldblooded murder, even under seemingly justifiable conditions.  In real life, survivors DO NOT kill their abusers, but does that mean they can never find closure?  They can if they find something productive that works for them and helps them work their way through it.  Many former victims of abuse have found all kinds of creative outlets that enable them to give voice to their pain and suffering.  Being able to do this is liberating and both empowering at the same time.  I have experienced this first-hand with the writing and the completion of Skipping Childhood.

Writing is Therapeutic

Writing can be a very therapeutic thing, even if you’re only writing for yourself and don’t plan to let anyone else read it.  In fact, that can be the most liberating type of writing of all.  I discovered this many many years ago, even before I started writing professionally.  But I never knew just how therapeutic until I dove into this particular work of fiction.  Having put so much of my own life into the writing, forced me to confront a host of feelings and emotions I thought were long since buried, or I never knew existed.  I read something recently from another survivor and they said something similar.  In fact they went on to say how during the course of writing their own memoir, they got so emotional, they had to stop for a month or two, before resuming.  I experienced the same thing with Skipping Childhood.  

Find Your Outlet

If you’re reading this information right now and you haven’t sought some kind of help for your past abuse, it is high time you find a productive outlet.  Don’t underestimate the power of being able to release what’s inside in a productive way.  I continue to emphasize the word “productive”, because if you’re not careful, you’ll be forced to find a release valve, and it may not be a good outlet.  Start thinking about your own creativity and how you can use it as an outlet for good.  Here are a few ideas to start.

Writing | Poetry | Music | Painting | Drawing | Photography | Acting | Spoken Word    

Deandra Baxter (Character Analysis)

I realize now, and maybe all along, that I made this character kill her abusers because as a child, I desperately wanted to kill mine.  Now that I’m all grown up, I’m sure it’s probably wrong of me to still feel that way, and clearly I must, because of what I wrote.  But in all honesty, I think from the “writer” perspective combined with my own feelings, it was all about finding closure. 

But Deandra Baxter’s character wasn’t really looking for closure, because her abuse or threat of abuse was current.  So she was actually seeking to administer justice (as she saw it), especially when you consider the other incidents that surrounded and lead up to each murder.  As an author and a survivor, I’m happy that through the writing of this book, I ended up with an outlet that allowed me to find closure, AND also kill my abusers.

Like the book’s tag line says:  “Killing just ain’t right, but neither is child abuse.”

Skipping Childhood:  A Novel (From Abused Foster Child to

Adolescent Serial Killer)

BOOK TRAILER LINK